current location

vancouver, canada

(updated: april 2018)


no confessions

In the cycle of nature there is no such thing as victory or defeat: there is only movement.
After my last post I guess it shouldn't be a shock that I ended up giving up on my trip. I know I finished the little memo off all positive, writing that despite my distress I wouldn't be flying home or running back to Bangkok - but that's exactly what I did, albeit a few days afterwards.
     I don't enjoy writing personal posts, but it looks like I'm on a roll here. Plus, it feels odd to have left my blog off on that depressing (yet hopeful) note, and I feel like I owe the interwebs some kind of explanation, if not just for the bikers on Warmshowers who have been messaging me to meet up with them on my way to India. But, I don't have any good explanation. All I've got are a few cheesy quotes from a Coelho book that wandered into my possession the day before my "big trip" out of Bangkok in September.
     Although I'm still struggling with some mixed feelings (mostly of defeat), I know that coming home was the right decision. I can't pinpoint the exact reasons, but the combination of feeling lonely, of travelling without purpose or direction, along with the urge to be together with my family for my sister's pregnancy eventually weighed down on my optimism. I wasn't enjoying myself as much as I could've been, and there was no shame in switching gears for a different destination. There is no shame in coming home.
     Instead of continuing this could-be rant and dwelling on the self-inflicted hurt to my ego, I've decided to take the reigns back in my hands and continue my adventures. As a friend in Bangkok mentioned, coming home doesn't necessarily mean the end of an adventure, but the start of a new one. I like adventures, and I'm challenging myself to keep the spice in my life. Being home doesn't have to be boring, especially when you live in one of the most beautiful places in the world! So, dearest Beautiful British Columbia, bring it on - I'm ready to get friendly with ya.

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